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For Events That Help Singles Meet, Smaller is Better
Learn how one community ran a great Shabbaton.
In an effort to help single adults meet new dating prospects, many Jewish communities run Shabbatons and other events. Shabbaton planners often open the weekend up to as many people as a synagogue auditorium or hotel dining room can accommodate, and solicit participants from a wide range of ages and levels of Jewish observance. What often results is a "meet market" (read that "meat market") that does not achieve the desired results and leaves many participants feeling discouraged and disillusioned.
How can the success of a Shabbaton be measured? By the satisfaction expressed by the participants and the fact that many couples who meet for the weekend start dating each other. By how many Shabbaton participants start setting up people they met at the Shabbaton with their friends. By the engagements announced by happy couples who met at a Shabbaton. By the enthusiasm of the organizers, who look forward to running another successful program and share their skill with neighboring communities.
By all measurements, the small city of Bet Shemesh, Israel, exceeded the base-line of success at a number of their singles’ shabbatons. The English-speaking residents, who organized the weekend as a community-wide project, are proof of the adage, "Smaller is Better". They decided to limit their singles Shabbaton to 60 men and women within a 10-year age-range and a similar level of religious observance (they looked fora range of Torah observant, Zionistic men and women). Community members were asked to invite their single friends from throughout the country for a wide geographical representation among guests.
Since many Israelis have either a day off or a half day of work on Fridays, guests were offered the option of a professionally guided tiyul (hike) through some of the archeological sites that dot the Bet Shemesh environs. (In other countries, a Saturday night activity is a good alternative.) Guests at Friday night and Saturday morning meals with host families, and gathered with some of their hosts for an Oneg Shabbat, Saturday kiddush and shiur (lecture) and lively seudas shlishis (third Shabbos meal) together.
The small scale of the event allowed most of the participants to meet each other, and several began to date after the event. Hosts as well as participants set up people they had met with their friends. Many guests commented that the weekend gave them a more positive attitude about meeting new people and a renewed interest in dating. The organizers know of four couples that are married because they met at the Shabbatons, and at least one other marriage that was the result of networking that began at the weekend.
Here are some ideas the Bet Shemesh residents would like to share with your community:
- Encourage community members with single friends and relatives to join the Shabbaton committee and supply names and addresses of prospective guests.
- Invite men and women from several communities, so that only a small number of participants already know each other.
- Limit the group to 60 to 80 participants. If it is larger, people won't get enough of an opportunity to meet each other and it will feel more like a meat market.
- Limit the age range within 10-12 years.
- Don't mix a very wide range of religious observance.
- Try keeping it intimate. Bet Shemesh guests slept at their friends' homes, if possible, but ate their Friday night and Saturday lunch meals in the homes of designated host families. (At subsequent Shabbatons, everyone enjoyed a catered lunch at a synagogue social hall.) The organizers placed 4 to 6 singles at each host. That way, conversation sounded like the normal conversation of new neighbors who were getting to know each other.
- Encourage hosts to attend at least one of the programs that were planned for the whole group so that they can interact with the participants and help the socialization flow. This helps facilitate networking. The Shabbaton committee, rather than a caterer, can prepare refreshments for the Oneg, Kiddush and Seudas Shlishis, to enable a large number of families to participate in the project. Holding these segments of the program in private homes adds to the warmth of the event. Communities that do not have uniform kashrus standards can use a caterer or have foods prepared in a synagogue kitchen, with volunteers in charge of decorating and set-up.
- The registration for the weekend should take place over a concentrated, two or three week period. Publicity should state a strict deadline and hours when telephone registration will be accepted. Registration forms should include names, addresses, e-mail, telephone, who referred the guest and the names of individuals the guest does not want to be placed with at meals (former spouses, former dating partners).
- Establish a policy of how inquiries about the names and telephone numbers of program participants will be disseminated after the Shabbaton. Optimal solution: have participants select between three choices on the registration form, and then honor their requested choice after the fact.
- Don't forget post-event follow up. E-mailing a short questionnaire to participants is only one part. The biggest job? Fielding telephone calls from people who met someone at the event and would like more information for themselves or a friend, or from community members who want to suggest a match for someone they met at the event.
- If your event is a success, you might want to plan one each year, and encourage neighboring communities to do the same with different age groups.
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